2010

I have this idea in my head that everything should just fall together.

I have this gut renching feeling in my heart that I'm in for a hard run.

My life has never been easy but is anyones life easy?

It's all perspective and importance.

Im amazed by how much a perspective can change over such a short amount of time.

Half of one year has created a new me.
Can I say a better me? Eh.

Perhaps a more opened, enlightened...hardened.

At 21

I do feel alone.

I do not have a husband or children.

I'm independent.

Solo.

Ive found no one who wishes to keep me as theirs.

Forever.

I wont settle for the maybe or the unsure.

We all feel alone.

Commit to me.

For the fact that you want to.

Allowing me into your forever is mind blowing...

Heavenly.

And then I awake.

On this earth.

Stuck in the now.
Dreaming of forever.

I dont know the plan.

I havent even seen the blueprint.

Here we go again.

Next Chapter.

Uncorrected Heart of Hearts

Take me
to a place
where I can finally see
love
at its greatest.


Exceeding all thoughts
obstacles
&
bounds.


Let us travel
through my past
&
learn how I became.
Devoid of judgement.

Allow yourself
to see me 
as I am.
Raw.
Exposed.
Vulnerable. 

I give
you
me.

Mouth Watering & Deliscious?

 

 

F U C K .

Stroll Down Memory Lane

Nothing Important

Written January 29, 2008

Shaking inside and out

Butterflies congregate in her stomach

It is impossible

She tries to rationalize the situation

If only she can convince herself

Maybe she can trick reality

Mind over matter

Mind over matter

She looks again

And her rationalization is demolished

Tears begin to fall

As she does simultaneously to her knees

If there ever was a God

She prays to him now

"End this"

"End my pain"

"Why? Why!"

She is snapped back into the hell she is living in

As someone pounds on the white door beside her

She wipes her tears

Rinses her face

Composes herself

And lastly opens the door

She walks down the hallway

With her head down

Ashamed, Ruined and Confused

She looks up and there he stands

He approaches her knowing something is different

"What is wrong" he asks

"Nothing important" she says

Then she turns and walks away

From the one person

Who truly loved her

When All You Need:
Written December 16, 2007


When all you need
Is that one person
To make you smile
When really you're on the verge of tears

When all you need
Is that one morning phone call
So that you can hear their voice
And know your day will be better because of it

When all you need
Is to look into eachother eyes
Speak no words
And get lost in the moment

When all you need
Is to lie in his arms
Feel Safe
And fall asleep

When all you need
Is to be reassured
That they wont leave you like everyone else
If they do you would be heartbroken

When all you need
Is that last kiss
That last hug and glance
Before miles separate your bonded hearts

When all you need
Is that one person
To give your heart to
You feel complete

& so it was.

& so I felt.



years later

I find myself looking through the same eyes

In My Lifetime

Est. 2007


-get roses
-sleep on the beach
-be in two places at once
-watch the sunset at the beach
-get married
-have children
-be in an intense argument with my love and then just kiss
-rockclimb
-go to hawaii
-live somewhere out of California
-visit the pyramids in Mexico
-understand spanish
-see the whales in La Paz
-go on a cruise
-teach a child how to read
-have a garden
-provide for myself
-march in a protest
-love someone more than myself
-volunteer at a hospital
-go sailing
-ride a quad/dirtbike
-go camping
-go to law school
-make someone feel better about themselves
-solve a problem
-become part of a real family
-discover my own religous beliefs
-name a star
-become an expert at something
-see the titanic
-write a book
-make ammends
-ride in a submarine
-go to an island and have a bonfire
-kiss someone i love at midnight on new years
-sponsor a child
-dance like no one is watching
-speak another language fluently
-get back into ballet
-paint a picture on a canvas
-swim with dolphins
-be a mentor
-own a new car
-buy my own house
-fall asleep with someone special in a bed of rose petals
-love every aspect of my life
-be content with the family i have been given
-have an impact in law
-have a candle lit dinner
-read the bible and the koran cover to cover
-shoot a gun
-have a picnic
-skydive
-go on a roadtrip accross the U.S
-be brave enough to do karaoke
-have a spa day with all the works
-visit the pyramids in Egypt
-read all the books i own
-see a broadway play
-ride a horse along the beach
-see the northern lights
-ride in a hot air ballon
-have my portrait painted
-watch the launch of a space shuttle
-visit the top of the statue of liberty
-run a marathon
-take an african safari
-cry become im so happy
-visit the great wall of china
-give someone a place to stay when they have no where to go
-drive a cop car
-drive a firetruck
-drive a ferrari
-be a room mom
-kiss in the rain

Exquisite Perfection

Puzzle Pieces
exquisite examples of perfection.

Fitting together flawlessly
effortlessly.


You are my match.
Perfectly.
Exactly.
Without defect.


Together we are complete


We begin..
With Happiness
Dreams of Possibility
Overcome with Hope
United




I dont see what anyone can see in anyone else but you