Sexual Seduction

I have an obsession with love. I've come to realize this.
Many people would say I'm codependent when I'm involved.
My happiness & well being is dependent on anothers happiness & well being.
Is there really anything wrong with that?
I want my other half.
Someone to wake up to every morning and go to bed with every night.
Someone who understands my facial expressions & cares about what I'm saying because we are united.
It's a partner, a lover, a best friend, a companion, a commitment.
I think that I truely convinced myself within the past six months or so that love is this unreachable nirvana...
perhaps not.
One major problem seems to be that when I'm single I fall "in like" a lot.
I guess that I have that girls next door vibe.
I will enjoy being single for now until I find the one. (which holy hell I still believe he's out there for me)

As I ramble on I suppose I can explain my boys.
My brother is 18 months younger & we have come to have many mutual friends (guy friends).
My friends are my family & these boys have become my family.
We have a group of 6 guys & 1 girl -me.

I have always secretly had a cougar crush on 2 of the guys in our group.
Never did I think twice about it. I was always dating and on top of that younger guys werent my thing.

Number 1. I met him while I was dating my recent ex.
We all partied, drank, played beer pong etc.
I stopped my mind from wondering @ he's cute.
He is the only friend whom I have ever kissed or been passionate with.
Amazing sex but at times he doesn't seem tuned in to my actual being & not just my body.
Great guy but a work in progress.

Number 2 I met about 6 months ago. Instantly I thought he was adorable.
He is so cute in fact that I was intimidated.
This last weekend I finally convinced him to try thiz with me & he did.
Let's just say I had an immediate attraction & I think he did too.
I know he's into me but he won't say anything because he is my brothers right hand man, best friend by far.
I have a much deeper emotional & physical connection with him..
Kinda waiting for it to pass but it keeps intensifying.

My brother doesn't know about my encounters & neither do any of the other boys. We keep it that way.

This weekend we are having a party @ my dads house while he's out of town. I can't wait to thiz again with my adorable friend & get more massages <3 mmm.

In my mind I deserve to have my cake & eat it too.