im sad because im alone. my heart is declaired wrong before my lips even begin to open.

i feel used and secondary. i feel betrayed and unorganized. mainly pathetic for trying. not worth it.

so again im taking care of others while im alone.sad. out of tears. say it straightconfused about love. im starting to not believe.......

Perception

I have this fear

that I will never have a loyal spouse,

not due to lack of good intentions but because of sluts promiscuous females.

This paranoia that my same sex will never cease to tempt & seduce the one I love can be poison.

I believe that my fear is unjustified (in most cases).

I know this fear is due to past experience & betrayal.

My mind tells me that I should not believe this fear is unwarranted.

Men People Lie.

People always have their own intentions, motives.

No one is trustworthy.

However, my heart tells me if I never look past it I will remain alone.

Look past-ignore.

Once upon a time, I believed that love would conquer all.

Main case in point, Once upon a time.

Life has shown me that love is not just a special bond shared between two people.

Love is tampered with...

by fears, by pasts, by ones own skewed version of a fairy tale, happy ending.

Humanity strives on envisioning the future, the positive future.

Sad.

For once, I say be realistic!

How often do people say that they knew they would fail during the moment of stride?

Rarely.

Should I conform to knowing that my future is grey?

Or perhaps live blissfully in this lifetime.. ignorant to the deception?

Dilemma stands. 

Thought Sequence.

I know that I am a young woman.

I know that I have a lifetime ahead of me.

I know that I am different.

I know that I do not share the same views as most.

I know my requests are mostly illogical.

I know that I have a void deep in my heart.

I know that I have tried to fill this void with all known possibilities.

I know that I was only once complete.

I know that God chose to remove that piece of my soul.

I know that God carried it with him.

I know that I am a work in progress.

I know that I am lonely.

I know I want love.

I know I want a family.

I know I want to be needed.

I know I can be happy with simplicity.

I know that God is going to make this difficult.

I know that I will trudge through.

I know that in the end all memories fade.

I know that in the end all people fade.

I know in the true end God will explain to me his test.

I know that I tried my hardest to pass.

Quoted

Life is like women.

Everybody loves life but it sure is a bitch.

...wish I cared...

It takes a real woman to listen to her words.

Even the word nice is mad at me.

Different cause.  Same Orgin.

2010

I have this idea in my head that everything should just fall together.

I have this gut renching feeling in my heart that I'm in for a hard run.

My life has never been easy but is anyones life easy?

It's all perspective and importance.

Im amazed by how much a perspective can change over such a short amount of time.

Half of one year has created a new me.
Can I say a better me? Eh.

Perhaps a more opened, enlightened...hardened.

At 21

I do feel alone.

I do not have a husband or children.

I'm independent.

Solo.

Ive found no one who wishes to keep me as theirs.

Forever.

I wont settle for the maybe or the unsure.

We all feel alone.

Commit to me.

For the fact that you want to.

Allowing me into your forever is mind blowing...

Heavenly.

And then I awake.

On this earth.

Stuck in the now.
Dreaming of forever.

I dont know the plan.

I havent even seen the blueprint.

Here we go again.

Next Chapter.

Uncorrected Heart of Hearts

Take me
to a place
where I can finally see
love
at its greatest.


Exceeding all thoughts
obstacles
&
bounds.


Let us travel
through my past
&
learn how I became.
Devoid of judgement.

Allow yourself
to see me 
as I am.
Raw.
Exposed.
Vulnerable. 

I give
you
me.